Learning to use the power of boundaries is bloody important. Boundaries are invisible permission slips that open the door to good and bad things happening in your life.
It’s learning to say ‘NO’,
in order to get to a bigger ‘YES’.
The benefits that come from using boundaries are massive, yet many of us don’t use them, or we don’t even know what they are.
I only learned to use the power of boundaries when I was over 40.
I didn’t know what they were before then, and honestly, I didn’t really care. Boundaries sound kinda strict, and I’ve had a lifelong allergy to strict.
Now I’m older, and I’ve got my magic-ass creator hat on, I use these snazzy force-fields everywhere.
When you become clear about what you want in life, you must learn what to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to. You simply cannot create the kind of life that you prefer without them.
Boundaries are like invisible walls – they dictate what you permit to happen in your world and what you don’t.
They stop endless headaches from forming, because you prevent them from happening in the first place. But boundaries won’t do anything for you at all – unless you create them, and use them. It’s up to you to work their magic.
How to use the power of boundaries
Boundaries apply to people – like strangers, workmates, ex’s, friends and family. They apply to conversation subjects, they apply to your time, your energy, your hobbies, your health and your money.
Boundaries with people relate to who and what you let into your world, and what role you allow it to play in your life.
Boundaries apply to conversations and topic that you DO or DO NOT want to talk about.
I’ve got one of those families where boundaries need to be wedged in all over the place or shit gets ugly fast and we all go bananas.
We can’t talk about religion, belief systems, mental health, death or anything to do with God, because of the church we grew up in – a culty place that my Mum and step dad still attend.
Engaging in these conversations is an excruciating shit-show. Old triggers come up, tears, insults, clashes, and we’ll fight til we’re worn out. It leaves everyone feeling like crap for days, then it takes ages to repair. It’s bloody awful.
So now we don’t go there in the first place. There’s a fun example of a conversation boundary, and a boundary with family.
‘NO’ IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE.
Boundaries apply to your time and energy.
Say NO to things that take more than you’re willing to give. You don’t need to overexplain, but be firm. If you’re a people-pleaser (like old me) this takes practice.
If you say ‘yes’ to everything, you won’t have time or energy for the things that really matter.
Boundaries extend to what kind of behaviour you’ll permit from your friends or your partner.
Boundaries apply to hanging out with friends who judge, bitch and complain but won’t actually try something new that might improve their life. If it leaves you feeling like crap and it’s a pattern?
You have the power to change the program.
Boundaries apply to how you allow someone to treat you. They apply to your activities, the kind of movies you watch and the activities you do on a Friday night (hmmm shall I go the the pub, get trashed and go on a bender I’ll be regretting for WEEKS, or go to that new vegan restaurant and the cinema?).
Boundaries apply to your diet. I have boundaries with my coffee, because having three strong boys opens the door to an edgy, ungrounded person who simply cannot meditate in the afternoon, so I cap it at one.
Boundaries apply to your health, they apply to your spending.
Boundaries even extend to your thoughts. If they keep ambling off back into the past, or negativity-land, or thoughts of your ex? For HELLS SAKE acknowledge it, grab those wild reins and direct them to something else. You’re the boss.
Most practices in self-awareness will sooner or later connect you with the power of boundaries.
Journal writing will do it. Reflection. Meditation. Talking to a counsellor. Mindful drawing also does it. If you do it long enough you’ll come face to face with the blinding power of boundaries. Get acquainted. They’ve got your back.
Word of Warning: Other people's feelings may get hurt by you flexing your boundaries.
Some people may interpret your boundaries as rejection, because you don’t want to engage in whatever it is you’re saying no to. People may be unsure if they like this new EMPOWERED YOU – especially if they’re not used to it.
People who get hurt by boundaries are often people who don’t use boundaries themselves. They do not understand what they are.
If they have your best interests at heart they’ll support you. And if they don’t? Assert yourself and do what is right for you anyway.
These days I’m swinging my boundaries around with everything and everyone, because I need boundaries to stay sober, sane and spiritually connected.
This is how I am creating my reality.
Ask yourself what results you want, then work out what boundaries are required to get you there. Then get to work and practice using them adjusting them as you go. Flex your magic.
Boundaries are created by you, and they are here to serve you. They are one of your superpowers.
They don’t exist until YOU MAKE THEM EXIST. Using boundaries is just one way you can consciously create yourself, your life and your reality.
You are the wizard of your world. This is your game.
Make it happen.