Light in my Shadow

Mindful Drawing Becomes a Stepping Stone to Sitting Meditation

Learning sitting meditation made its way onto my New Year’s Resolutions list every single year without fail. And like everything else on the list, it never happened – it just remained a fantasy of some person I wished I could be.
The reasons why I couldn’t do it was I was too busy (yep that old excuse…).

I also couldn't practice sitting meditation because I was the absolute epitome of un-zen.

I had some serious addiction issues going on. My mind was a little toasty on the edges. My priorities were silencing my emotions by ripping bongs, drinking heaps of booze, taking meth, gambling and keeping my mental distraction cranked to eleven.

Then came rock bottom

During rock bottom my excuses were a little different. Alcohol addiction was still a problem, yes, but by now my brain had literally been cooked on a barbeque. It got stuck in fight or flight and it stayed there, for months.
By this stage, I’d also moved into my sister’s house. There was no more social life (unless you count the demons in my head). I was determined to meditate because everything else was gone and I was backed into a corner. More than ever I wanted to do it, hell I NEEDED it. But I couldn’t do it because I couldn’t quiet my brain for two seconds.
sitting meditation

How mindful drawing became a stepping stone to sitting meditation.

About a year into my rock bottom, I picked up the pen and taught myself to mindfully draw. I didn’t know it at the time, but through repetition, I began to train my brain to slow down and focus. I began wiring my brain in a different way. It slowly became calmer and steadier.
After a few months of consistent practice, I tried sitting meditation again, and this time I found I could stay there. I began to sit my butt down during full moons and new moons. Now, I was able to sit down, close my eyes, breathe into my belly and entrain with this slower, peaceful pace and it felt good.

I was also no longer afraid of what was in the silence.

I had avoided silence for decades. It scared me because there was something in there that made me very uncomfortable.
Finding silence confronting or uncomfortable, often means there is trauma or emotional issues stuffed into the vault of the subconscious mind. It’s suppressed and unprocessed. Many of us have this issue because it’s how we’re taught to deal with shitty, hard things on Earth – we avoid them.

But it never goes away. The discomfort elbows you in the silence. It triggers you when you least expect it. It comes knocking when you’re sober. This is why people like me, with truckloads of suppressed shit, avoid silence…and sobriety.

To empty out your 'vault', you need to do some shadow work (healing).

You need to collect these split-off, repressed parts from the shadows of your subconscious mind, and integrate them back into your wholeness. You need to bring all your parts back home.
Shadow work is hard, but it’s right up there with the best work there is.

It sets you free.
I found mindful drawing was perfect for my own shadow work, because unlike sitting meditation, mindful drawing gives you something to focus on (the drawing). It anchors you while the clearing and healing in the background is happening. It holds you firm.
Mindful drawing isn’t really about the drawing. Just like sitting meditation isn’t about sitting on a cushion. It’s about what’s going on inside your brain and consciousness.
Inside your consciousness is where the magic happens. This is where powerful shifts happen that can change your life.

Fast forward to today.

These days I meditate everywhere. My mindful drawing practice is my meditation. Walking on the beach is a bloody blissful meditation, so is strolling in my local park at sundown, when the birds all go bonkers to celebrate the end of the day. Grounding with majestic trees is one of the most powerful meditations there is.

And it keeps going – a big gratitude-inducing meditation for me is mindfully chopping veggies, cooking and eating creative vegan food. Even making organic smoothies with ceremonial cacao is a delicious, sacred meditation. Many people find drinking tea a beautiful meditation (I’m planning to get onto this!)
I still practice sitting meditation a few times a week in my special little space in my lounge. I have a heavy, ornate Indian meditating cushion, I’ve got my essential oils, incense, sage and palo santo. And I switch it all up as my intuition guides me to.
Sometimes I do grounding meditations, sometimes guided, sometimes with meditation music, or binuaural beats, often I just sit in silence. I meditate to leave old energy behind, to set intentions of what I want to create, or I connect with my higher self.

The more I dive into raising my frequency, the more I notice the gap between 'normal me' and 'meditating me', is shrinking, and the more the magic grows.

From the outside, sitting meditation, or practicing mindfulness looks SO bloody boring. Someone is literally just sitting there, not doing anything, in silence. There’s nothing to entertain them, no one to talk to. From the outside, it looks DULL AF.
But if you could only peer inside this person’s consciousness – holy moley. Inside, there’s such a rich tapestry of fireworks interwoven with pure love, gratitude, bliss and oneness and unity with the entire field of consciousness itself. It’s the total opposite to what it looks like from the outside.
It is the

Plug yourself in. It’s yours if you want it. Make it happen.

If you think it sounds too good to be true, or that I’m exaggerating, or if you think this level of love and bliss is only for some people, why not give it a go? The only way to find out is to try it for yourself. I can show you how to get started with mindful drawing, right here.