Light in my Shadow

Forgive Yourself – Release Guilt, Shame and Regret

It doesn’t matter whether it’s an itty bitty minor thing, or a ton of humongous, heinous shit you’ve done in the past, if you’re on the path to healing, you MUST cross the bridge and forgive yourself.
And let’s face it, we’ve all got things we could’ve handled better – I’ve got bags full. When you forgive yourself and let it go, you set yourself free.
To forgive yourself does NOT mean you negate or minimize the impact of what happened, and now you’re cool with that horrible shit you did and you just don’t care – not at all.

To forgive yourself is a serious and sacred rite of passage.
It smashes the shackles of shame, sorrow, anger or regret that lock you in low vibration, and this is absolutely fundamental to unlock the highest version of yourself.
Forgiveness of self pops up in combination with several other benefits that mindful drawing ignites – it’s yet another layer in the big, juicy benefit sandwich.
 When self love grows, you begin to accept parts of yourself that you struggled to process. You understand what is in the past, is done – it cannot be changed. The only thing you can change is how you create your future.
forgive yourself

To forgive yourself is an act of self-love.

Many of us carry a great burden of regret or shame on our shoulders. Carrying around toxic emotions isn’t just hard, hellish work, it’s mentally, spiritually and physically damaging.
When you forgive yourself, you set yourself free from inner torment. You accept what is IS and take full responsibility for your actions, and you’ll reach a point where you release it into the past. You will begin to see powerful lessons being offered to you arising from what happened. It is not for nothing.
After my old life collapsed, I was left with enormous guilt for actions that arose from my addictions. I carried regret and shame for destroying trust and hurting my friends who loved me very much.
The massive scope of my addictions piled on more shame, especially the meth and gambling. My other three addictions – weed, booze and later food – weirdly didn’t feel as shameful because they’re so common they’re almost socially acceptable.
I let so many people down, I honestly didn’t know it was even possible to fit that much shame, guilt and regret into one human being.
Eventually I got to the point where I realised I couldn’t carry it anymore – it was killing me. I had to let it go if I was ever going to be able to heal.

How I learned to forgive myself.

How I let go of these low frequency emotions became one of the most powerful and special events of my life.
It happened two years into my rock bottom. By now, I’d been mindfully drawing every day for months. Gradually I was being handed benefit after benefit in small seed form that I nurtured every day until these seeds grew bigger.
Many times I fell out of balance and relapsed, but I always realigned. A little stronger and wiser every time.
And as I did the inner work of raising my vibration using the way I teach with mindful drawing, tiny pinpricks of light began to pierce my darkness. I began to feel hope and surges of life force, where before I felt completely dead inside.

On the winter solstice of 2018 I made a date with myself to sit in meditation, and release the parts of my past that were blocking me from healing.

The winter solstice (the shortest day and longest night of the year) is a great time to do any ‘letting go’ and releasing of anything that is holding us back (as are New Moons).

This is how we create space for the new.
I wrote down my intentions to release that which no longer served my highest good. Things like old energy, habits, attachments to events and people.
And as I was meditating, a vision came to me (which has never happened before or since). It was me, but child me – the wounded one. As I was saying my intentions, “I release that which binds me”, she came up to me in my vision, and she hugged me. She told me it’s time for her to go home.
It made me really emotional and I was crying, because I knew how much she had suffered. I’d carried her with me all the way into adulthood, but she was trapped in the shadows of my subconscious mind, and her trauma – which I’d repressed – was a big reason for my addictions and all the mess that resulted from it.

After our hug, she went 'home’.

From that moment onward, something changed. A different, ‘higher’ version of me existed in her place. I was far more healed, because layers of sticky energetic ‘cobwebs’ of trauma were removed. And now I found I was able to let go of attachments to guilt, regret, shame and suffering. My energy felt clear and lighter.

If you're holding onto shame, guilt or regret, ask yourself: Do you want to be free?

When the time is right, hop on the path and start the inner work. One of the first stages of the journey of freeing yourself, will be to let go of old baggage which binds you, blocks you, and weighs you down.
Your intention is the most powerful tool you have.
I can teach you the way I learnt, through mindful drawing. Mindful drawing isn’t really about the drawing, it’s about expanding your consciousness – the vehicle of drawing is just one of many you can use to get there.
Watch the healing process gradually and naturally unfold. It’ll teach you to transmute your pain into fuel. Just like coal turns into diamonds and the caterpillar into the butterfly. The squeeze is what creates the transformation.
What’s done is done. Let it go. What matters now is how you create your future. This is your game. You can level up to freedom anytime you choose.