Light in my Shadow

Activate Honesty, Integrity and Self-Accountability

No one tells me what is right or wrong for me – I decide. Because now I’ve got this weird new thing called ‘self-accountability’.
These days I’m conscious I’m creating my reality with my actions, and I’m very aware that everything I do raises or lowers my frequency.
This is how I determine my self-accountability – which is my right or wrong. It’s how I self-rule.

Old me had no self-accountability. Seriously. None.

I used to steal big handbags FULL of expensive groceries several times a week. I did it because I spent all my money on gambling, weed, meth, ciggies and booze. I’d walk into a bottle shop and casually slip bottles of red wine into my handbag.
I used to steal money from the government, by working at the same time as claiming benefits for years (yes I’m paying it back). I’d steal books, chocolate, porterhouse steak for Loki the dog, make up, vitamins, tools – everything I could get my hands on. I did it because I’d been doing it since I was 15 – it was second nature to me. All I gave a fuck about was being able to fund my addictions, because I was a mess.

I'd also been doing it for so long it didn't even feel wrong. It was my normal.

After my dad’s suicide, my addictions got so heavy I borrowed money from my workplace – two beautiful community gardens that I created from nothing but an idea. I did the work of getting them off the ground, and my friends helped me build them.
These gardens had my heart and soul woven into them and I loved them more than I loved myself.
But I kept borrowing for months because the money was sitting in my bank account mixed in with my own. I always intended to pay this money back, but it reached a point where I couldn’t.

My addictions grew so big and my mental health declined so much, I just couldn’t fix the gigantic, awful mess I’d created. It actually led to the collapse of my old life. My addictions and my actions led me all the way to rock bottom.

These days, I don’t even steal a clove of garlic. Not because I can’t – because I can. I don’t do it because I choose not to. I don’t want to be that person, because I am not that person anymore.

The main reason I don't do it, is because these days I have self-accountability AND I have awareness - I can feel it is wrong.

If I feel it’s wrong, I know it’ll lower my frequency. I am extremely conscious NOT to do things which lower my frequency. I’m all about raising my vibration and I take this very seriously indeed.
It’s how I create my reality.
I’ve been stuck in low vibration before, and for me it was a place of immense suffering. To be honest, I’m far too sensitive to live on Earth – this planet of duality and suffering – if I returned myself to the emotional pain I existed in. So I am very conscious not to engage with things that lower my vibration. I ain’t going back to hell.

Having self-accountability isn't just about stealing things.

It means being truthful to people – even if it’s harder – which it often is. I’m not interested in making things easy for myself if they’re not right.
Self-accountability extends to communicating honestly and truthfully in regards to my own feelings. Often this means being brave enough to be vulnerable, or saying I’m wrong, or saying sorry. It’s about putting boundaries in when I’m talking to people who judge, belittle or point the finger at others.

These days, I don’t engage in things that I don’t feel are right.
Sometimes I’ll edge over – and that’s normal on Earth because there’s low vibration shit everywhere you look – but I’m aware. I’ll catch myself fast, and I’ll back away from it and I’ll keep it away from me. I treat it like the toxin that it energetically is.
Self-accountability to me also means spending my money wisely, and being aware of what I’m supporting with my purchases.
I’m not functioning from a place of personal integrity if I support industries that create suffering for animals, or if I support industries that poison or take too much from our Earth. I am highly empathetic. If our animals or our Earth suffers, I suffer. I honour myself by protecting that which is a part of me.

My self-accountability means sticking up for people if they are being targeted.

It means standing up for outsiders, the little guys, the voiceless and those who are different. These are my people. I’ll always look after those on the fringe because I function from a place of unity, love and empathy.

Self-accountability applies to me finding money. Old me dreamed of finding money so I could buy drugs. I used to ALWAYS visually check ATMs as I walked past. I never found money in an ATM back then, but I’ve still got this same old habit, and not too long ago I walked past an ATM in a shopping centre and money was still there, sitting in the slot.

So I took it. And this current version of me (high frequency me), stood a few meters away from the machine, and I waited for the person who left their money to come back.
Around 15 minutes later a women ran back to the ATM, visibly upset when she saw it was gone. I asked her how much she left in there and she told me $100 – the right amount – and I gave it to her.

She said it was all the money she had. She’d gone to order some food and went to pay, and realised she’d left her money in the machine. She was crying, and we hugged, and I walked away and tears started rolling down my cheeks because I felt her gratitude and her relief.

I cried because I was happy I made her happy. I cried because I experienced a brief moment of the world I want to live in. It touched me because I HAD CHANGED. I was proud of this new me.

This is what's important to me now.

Being kind is important. Caring for someone I’ve never met. Not spending this money on drugs, booze or gambling, because all I care about is being so desperate to feed my hungry ghosts, which old me would have done without a second thought.
I tell people these days that they’ve undercharged me. I do things, not because other people see – sometimes they don’t – but because I have self-accountability – because I know.
By honouring my personal code,
my frequency is high.
My addictions don’t rule me anymore. I rule me. My morals are far stronger than my addictions, which don’t exist anymore. Their control centre has been dismantled, and their foundations pounded into dust.

Imagine if this one benefit was mass-activated within a suburb, or a country, or the entire planet?

This is how a population self-rules. No police, no government needed. No need for anyone to oversee us, or authority of any kind required. Because there is self-accountability.
We’re not there yet as a species. We’re not even close. But one day, I know we’ll be an evolved species that’s able to self-govern and self-rule – because this is what happens when we raise our frequency as a species. It’s an automatic benefit. We just change.
We have
FULL potential
to create this reality
on Earth.
I’m still learning more about this benefit every day. It continues to evolve, just like I’m evolving. It’s by no means finished and it never will be.

I get a kick from exploring what it means to honour myself through my actions. I love being aware of the beautiful truth inside – that integrity and honour exist within me. I’ve never had that before, and it feels good.